I'm starting to feel better about my sad, little life. I've joined a gym. I've been spending time with my cousin. I've been talking to and seeing other family members. I feel pretty good.
I can't say much about my money situation but it's not pretty. It's not gonna get better anytime soon. We've got what we need, at least. That's what matters.
I was feeling pretty shitty today. I heard this song on the radio: "There Goes My Life". It's about a guy that thinks his future is over because he is having a child. I was thinking to myself that I should have been thinking that when I started having symptoms of schizoaffective disorder. Look at what a future it created. Thinking now I think I was. I tried to kill myself over and over again. It's depressing to think of a future of disability checks and hospital stays. I know you may be thinking "It doesn't have the be that way", but you're wrong. My illness dictates it has to be that way. I've tried to redirect my path but my illness brings me back. Sigh. Thankfully I still have endorphins going from my time at the gym.
